Quit Your Day Job Option Five: Fire at a Baptism

Now and then, near an axe, an old coot

will be filled with a sense of honor.

Then let that same man glance upon

a chisel and he will always fall over.

Furthermore, taken by a clot, this person

will land in the playoffs with the Angels.

If you fall in love with anyone related to

such a character I advise you to keep mum.

I was from such a family and we cried

whenever the car would point toward

Cambodia or Bob Evans.



You either get in front of the truck,

or stand behind the missile launcher.

In both cases you will assimilate all

the paper lanterns hanging around you.

Any colored sky can be of a threatening

nature, but you have to be real mental

to grasp the economy in nut sized jars.

That’s kind of like saying we’re out, try

the next nearest abscess over.



Most people believe that they are related

to someone famous who was hanged.

You can learn a lesson from faulty shopping

carts, but they’ll still need help to remember

how exotic you were in your live snake halter.

Go stand near the stripper who gets drunkest

without drinking, and I’ll take your picture

to send to the faculty at the suicide academy.

The story is really all about digging

some folks a new well. It starts

with a fulcrum and some rope and ends

about lost glory; however, beyond giving

lectures on morality to grubs in ray-bans

it factors that you’ll get more from sugar

injected into a fly.



Now and then, a doofus will operate

a small fruit stand with a rusted dishwasher

sitting quietly by the roadside. When you ask

where the fruit is she’ll say, “Oh, it’s around.”

Then uproot a stop sign and return home, go

inside and sweep the floor. Living proof: living

in mail order holy wedlock with a non-failsafe

out-patient is like getting scraped to gather samples

of withered living tissue. It may feel good

at first, but eventually you’re going to have

to spray that infection with an antisemitic.