Sunday, January 2, 2011

You're Quite Unwelcome

Although the blue whale has been protected
for over 30 years and its numbers

are greater than the sum total
of peri-menopausal episodes

you have almost certainly written one
if your sentence contains more than three

references to your relationship history
or direct invitations for drinks to a mammal.

I can hear some of you gnashing
your teeth right now, while you think

the thing that must not be thought about
how chips have been implanted in

the real subject of your sentence.

"a pig has a dream." becomes "the pig has
seizures." and according to the veterinarian
"the pig can play the accordion" becomes
"any pig in a band uniform has a dream
of fleecing a roomful of like minded readers
and their leader dogs."

the base sentence of the revised version is now
"the dog has fleas,"
"according to the veterinarian"
has been pushed into a descriptive

pair of ill fitting iron lungs from the watermelon store.

true, one should be aware that many such sentences
would be improved by becoming

a chapbook of alliterative limericks on the spidey sense
of a scenery swallowing skin suit, although

“over” has been used in the sense
of “more than” for over a thousand years.

for the first nine hundred and sixty
there was a sense of the possible, but it needs

you to have been spat out by you, made
of the very stuff of your body

and scented like a coconut diaper
just removed from your imaginary calf.

the real subject of your sentence

wants its money back.

the base sentence of the revised version is now
“the dog has fleas,”
“according to the veterinarian”
has been pushed into a descriptive

ointment labeled “inconsiderate” and wrapped
in wounded salt and yet

it depends on whether you consider love
and support to be two different and differently given items

or own a home distillery and practice acupuncture on cats.

I am using this example to help raise
your understanding of conscious living

as subscribed to by those convicts who eschew
the mixed marital arts approach to serially raping
a horse with a rope of thorns. but taking bizarro history
into account you may prefer the self flagellation
of a trip to the far end of the Austin Spectrum.

If so, perhaps your restricted license has been
taken away, or perhaps a warrant

can be issued to deflect the attention greenpeace
would otherwise be paying to your impact on noise recovery.
it's an undersea mall full of room temperature pretzels and you
are here. check your target culottes for tips on

how to use has-been in a sentence.